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The Trashed and the Spurious

I have a bone to pick with Hollywood. Okay, I have several bones to pick with Hollywood, but one in particular that is entirely their fault.

Ever since The Fast and the Furious came out, it has gotten progressively more difficult to find an acceptable used car. Every moron in the country has decided that every small reliable car is a prime candidate for half-assed engine swaps, unfinished body kits, ridiculously large wheels, and dangerous suspension lowerings. Just try to find an unaltered Acura Integra for sale. I dare you.

Not only that, but because these fuckers have a habit of destroying their cars on such a regular basis, and hence go through a lot of "parts cars," theft rates have skyrocketed on them.

The damage seems to be limited primarily to the cars featured in those awful movies, so Honda Civics, VW Jettas, and Mitsubishi Eclipses suffer the worst. But now, since this whole "drifting" thing started (and if THAT isn't the dumbest idea I've ever heard, I don't know what is) early Toyota Corollas and Celicas and Nissan 240SXs and Mazda RX7s have fallen victim, too.

It's bad enough that these little assholes have to rattle everyone's windows with their not-mufflers and overblown stereos. Not to mention the total lack of driving etiquette or concern for others' safety they show on the road. But now, every goddamn sub-$2000 Japanese or German car for sale has been molested by some wannabe "modder," rendered useless for actual transportation purposes by bolt-on performance parts and miles and miles of abusive driving.

I don't want a car that's "lowered." I don't care if you swapped the engine for one with marginally more power. I don't want gigantic six-spoke rims showing off spray-painted brake drums. So I guess I'll just have to find a nice reliable car that's so goddamn boring that the kids will leave them the hell alone.



VW TDI New Beetle. Some style with durability and no worries about hot rodding. I've had one for almost 5 years and its anvil reliable.